Heart and Soul
by MCmondo
Summary: He's always had her back. And he may have just given his life to prove that once again. Tiva
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own any of these characters btw.**

 **Ok this is my first attempt at a fanfic. Keep in mind that this is set in a world where Ziva never left and the shambles that was season 11 never happened. It will be multi-chapter so apologies for not finishing the whole thing before publishing but it will be concluded very soon. Enjoy it and, of course, reviews are welcome. I need to know whether to stick with this stuff or give up**

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Nothing quite sets the mood like the abrupt sound of gunfire. It's one of only a few loud and explosive sounds that only ever signal immediate danger of even death for those unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of their source. The horrifying sound of that first peace-shattering bullet embarking on its potentially fatal, and often short, journey to the whatever destination the shooter has chosen is something the average Washington D.C resident would not be used to hearing. It tends to invoke a similar reaction from these (mostly) innocent souls. Panic. Instinctive, widespread and often uncontrollable panic.

One minute an ordinary person with an ordinary job will once again find themselves carrying out their usual everyday routines: - walking back to work after spending their lunch break with an old friend, squeezing in their daily jog somewhere between all the other activities in their busy schedule or maybe even putting their feet up on a Friday night in the apparent safety of their own home, and the next minute all hell breaks loose. Assuming these ordinary people aren't the ones who actually get hit by the flying lead, common courses of action tend to range from:- running for help, calling 911 for help or, in some cases, falling in a crumpled heap on the ground in hysterics and simply praying for help.

But highly trained federal agents are anything but ordinary. Especially any federal agents who just so happened to be originally trained by Mossad to spy, kill and generally _not_ panic when it came to any form of combat, unexpected or planned. Few, if any, people could be described in such a way and, in that respect, NCIS special agent Ziva David was one of a kind. Her everyday 'routines' were far from ordinary. They usually consisted of investigating puzzling, and often sickening, murders, finding a missing marine, preventing potential terrorist attacks and generally following her boss' often 24 hour-filling orders. This line of work often involves armed suspects who have a tendency to be hostile towards said boss and any of his major case response team.

This meant that gunfire was something Ziva David had become almost embarrassingly accustomed to over the years. This familiarity, combined with her training and combat experience, meant that panicking was something she almost never did in a gunfight. When others might be forgiven for going into a shocked paralysis or letting fear take over their actions, Ziva simply took a few moments to analyze the situation and act quickly to defuse it. It almost goes without saying that her 'ninja senses', as her partner would call them, would have had her drawing her sig immediately after, or sometimes even before, the first gunshot is even heard so therefore 'defusing' the situation usually involved her kicking some serious bad guy ass.

She could always take care of herself. And as a rule she did not allow herself to panic, not matter what danger she found herself in. There was an exception to every rule she lived by, however.

In the case of this particular rule, the exception tended to take the shape of a certain senior field agent. She could always keep her cool if it was only her life on the line but whenever Anthony DiNozzo, her partner of over 8 years, found himself in harm's way when she was supposed to be watching his back, Ziva couldn't control her uncharacteristically frantic actions that sometimes led to her being accused of being overprotective and nearly always led to some bruised faces and broken bones.

She could never really explain the reason behind her adrenaline fueled actions when a suspect points a gun at Tony, or even if they decide to get in a fist fight with him. She has always taken any measure necessary to keep him safe and put his welfare before her own. It had reached the point where it was instinctive. She knows he's in the same boat when it comes to watching out for her. In fact, the closeness and honesty they shared in this 'post elevator' chapter of their partnership meant he was constantly watching her back in all aspects of life. He managed to keep her intact physically and emotionally and had slowly become a better friend than she could ever have hoped for. She was always thankful for him, even if she could never find the words to express her gratitude or be able to understand why she deserved him in her life. They had always steered clear of openly showing affection for one another. She figured the best way for her to thank him for always being there for her was to ensure his safety at all times, whatever the cost might be. That was one of many reasons why she often became her own version of the Incredible Hulk whenever someone so much as laid a finger on her partner.

On one unforgettable day someone did much worse than that.

It started off like any other day did during an ongoing investigation. This particular case involved a young marine who'd been stabbed to death outside a bar in downtown DC. This meant Gibbs was as motivated as ever to get to the bottom of this case and find out why a fellow grunt had reached this untimely and tragic demise. After interviewing the bartender upon arriving at the scene the previous day, the team discovered that the victim was not alone in the bar. A few hours later, and with the help of one particular caffeine addicted Gothic forensic scientist, McGee was able to use his unworldly computer skills to use surveillance footage and ID the marine's companion. This meant that early the next morning the DiNozzo-David dynamic duo were sent to a rather unfriendly feeling neighborhood in Anacostia to hopefully find what was their only suspect.

''This is the place. Barkley lives in the one right at the end of the street'' Ziva informed her partner even though he probably already knew.

Tony looked around with his nose turned up after bringing the charger to a stop at the end of said street. ''Nice place'' he replied sarcastically.

Ziva hummed in acknowledgement, ''It certainly is not somewhere I would choose to live If I could help it.''

''Nope.'' He turned to her, ''But it _is_ the sort of place you might find a crazy murderer.''

She raised an eyebrow at him, amusement shining in her eyes. ''You are so sure he did it?''

''Aren't you?'' He quizzed quickly with a hint of confusion etching itself onto his face.

She sighed, looking out the windshield in a way that suggested to Tony that she at least _hoped_ the case was as simple as he was suggesting. ''That would be too easy. Usually we lose out on a few more days of sleep before closing a case. Besides isn't there rule number…something or other.'' She says waving her hand dismissively as she unbuckles her seatbelt before elaborating, ''Never assume.''

''Ok. If you're gonna recite the holy Gibbs rules to me you've gotta at least remember the numbers.'' He shot back whilst wearing his infectious DiNozzo grin. ''You've had long enough to remember them by now, sweetcheeks.'' With that she shot a glare at him in that way he secretly found adorable. (When she wasn't genuinely pissed at him that is).

''You have worked for Gibbs longer than me and I _know_ you don't remember all his rules by number.'' She gave him a look that dared him to argue. She knew he would. He was Tony after all.

He gasps and shoots her a look of disbelief before holding his head high in that proud fashion he often did when defending his senior field agent related abilities. ''I'll have you know, _mon zee-vah,_ that there is not a single rule our fearless leader has thought of that I don't know.''

She snorts. ''Oh please. I bet you do not even know what number the 'never assume' one is.'' She challenged.

''Sure I do'' he replied without thinking ''never assume: double check. That's number…'' With that he tilts his head to the side in contemplation, ''I wanna say…seven?'' Ziva scoffs at his obvious failure to be convincing. ''Okay maybe eight.''

''Maybe?'' She mimicked, ''I thought you knew them all?''

''I do.'' He replied calmly. ''The rules themselves are more important than the math behind them.''

At that comment Ziva raised her hand in confusion. ''I agree. So why do you insist _I_ should remember the numbers for all of them when you…''

''Hyundai.'' He interrupted her abruptly. This raised her levels of confusion even more. She turned to look at him and noticed something on the street had caught his attention.

''What?'' She asked glancing in the same direction he was before looking back at him. He now had his professional special agent face firmly in place.

''McGee said Barkley drives a Hyundai. It's not on his driveway and there's none anywhere in the area. He's not at home, let's go check it out'' With that he finally opened the driver's door and got out the car.

Ziva followed him outside, but was slightly skeptical about just marching up to his house and 'checking it out' as Tony put it. That usually meant finding a way into the house to snoop around or, if necessary, breaking into it. They started walking towards the bungalow in question. ''Are you certain he's not home? Does he not have a garage?'' She asked trying not to sound overly concerned.

Tony must have heard the almost nervous edge to her tone though because his head whipped around as he stared at her with a typically cheeky grin. ''Are you telling me my big bad ninja is scared of bumping into Chris Barkley the low-life part time dock worker?'' He teased. ''Worried he might get mad and yell at you?''

She took the question about as seriously as he intended it to be. ''I just do not want another suspect to sneak up on you and knock you out again.'' She replied matching his smile. ''You complained about the headache for days last time.''

''I took one for the team.'' He replied sounding dead serious. Ziva shot him a look of surprise. ''If someone's gotta take the hits, it might as well be the handsome and brave one. That's how it happens in the movies.'' She rolled her eyes. That sounded more like him. ''Would you rather it was _you_ getting hit in the head by a vase?''

Actually she would. If it meant he wasn't the one getting hurt. But this wasn't the time or place to admit that. So she stuck to the way he'd expect her to answer. ''You are right. It might as well be you. Your head is the thickest.''

He regarded her for a few seconds before responding. ''That sounded way too sincere. I'm gonna try not to take it to heart.''

She chuckled lightly before taking pity on him and patting his back affectionately. ''Don't.'' She implored. ''And please do not feel as though you have to 'take one for the team' all the time. Teams are meant to work together, yes?''

''And look out for each other.'' He added before turning again to meet her gaze. ''I'll always take a blow to the head if it means you guys don't have to.''

His tone and expression were, again, completely serious. She felt a genuine wave of love and affection for him spread through her chest upon hearing that statement. She knows he always looks out for his friends and colleagues, even if he can be a pain in their ass a lot of the time. His sincere honesty had made her regret the dig she made about his head a second ago. She knew the brain within that head of his had been responsible for saving her countless times and that her loyal partner was anything but 'thick'.

They arrived at the front door of Barkley's bungalow to find the door was slightly ajar. Tony and Ziva slipped into synchronized bad-ass mode. Drawing their sigs and giving each other a sure nod before sweeping into the house and announcing themselves as federal agents. Every room they checked appeared to be clear so they went about looking around house for any clues or evidence that could help with the investigation. All the time listening out for any cars on the street outside.

Ziva looked around the small kitchen, her expression forming something akin to disgust. ''Just because you are going to stab your marine friend does not mean you should forget to do your dishes.'' She said whilst examining an old take out container with her nose upturned as if it was a dead rodent in her hand and not a 'Golden Dragon' noodle box.

DiNozzo chuckled before joining her in the kitchen. ''I thought you weren't making any assumptions today, little miss rule book.'' He replied as he stretched white gloves over his hands. And looking at the assortment of dirty plates on the countertop. ''This guy's gotta have left fingerprints all over this place. We lift some- gets Abs to run them- and find out if our slacker here's been stabbing anyone with bread knives outside bars recently.''

Ziva picked up a glass of what she presumed was milk at one stage and showcased it to Tony triumphantly. ''Well in that case it looks like we've found the jackpot.'' She said with a hopeful smile.

He frowned for a second before smiling in a way that could only mean…''Hit.'' Yep. Sure enough she had botched some sort of idiom for the millionth time in front of him. ''You hit the jackpot, not find it.'' He informed her in that overused correctional tone.

She rolled her eyes. ''Does it matter? I can actually see his fingerprints on it, Tony.''

He patted her shoulder. ''That's a fine discovery there, Agent David.'' He then suddenly cocked his head to the side and made a face that suggested he'd just had an idea. ''You stick to it. I'm gonna go check out the yard.'' He stated with authority before turning and heading towards the back door.

''Look out for men with vases lurking in the corners.'' She teased at him. They both knew by now that this was her way of telling him to be careful.

''Don't worry. I'm sure my 'thick head' could survive another whack.'' He shot back without any venom. He turned and winked at her before slipping out the door into the yard. She scoffed and failed to hide her slight smirk. She knew that non-insult would be thrown back at her at some point.

She went back to lifting the prints off the milk glass. Another routine she found herself doing so often that it had become a task she simply did on autopilot these days. A few peaceful moments passed before all of a sudden she heard raised voices. One of these voices was the unmistakable tones of her partner. Her gut was twisting and, before she knew it, she stopped her previous activity and headed to the back door that Tony had disappeared through the minute before. Her hand had just grasped the door handle when she heard it.

A single, loud gunshot.

The noise echoed through the DC air as her world froze in that moment. Her heart rate suddenly went through the roof and her stomach flipped. She was now acutely aware of two things: - That her partner/best friend was in the same yard the shot came from and that it definitely wasn't his sig firing it. Her body was on the move before her mind could catch up. She burst out into the yard and was almost knocked over by a man sprinting away from an open shed in the corner. He wore a shocked, panicked expression as his head shot round at her and then he managed to pick up speed after dropping what looked like a .44 magnum to the ground.

''Freeze!'' She yelled at him with her gun primed and ready to help him do just that if needed. He ignored her but was around the corner of the house by the time she fired off two rounds in the direction of his legs.

''Ziva!'' All of a sudden Tony appeared from behind her, apparently still in one piece. ''Son of a bitch _shot_ at me!'' He explained in disbelief before running after said shooter. Ziva barely had time to register the feeling of sheer relief she felt upon seeing DiNozzo still on his feet, and seemingly not bleeding to death, before she took off around the corner after him.

The runner, who she assumed was Chris Barkley, was faster than one would expect a slightly overweight slacker to be. Tony was still ahead of Ziva as they both remained in pursuit of the potential murderer for an entire block. She acknowledged the emerging residents of DC stepping onto their front porches with curiosity but did nothing to reassure them that this was a federal matter. She was too busy wondering when Tony had been able to outrun her. Sure, he did used to be an athlete and was definitely faster over short distances. But as their mile total totted up to another block, she wondered how his plague-scared lungs were dealing with this.

Barkley was still just about in their sights when her veered off and headed down an alleyway. Tony and Ziva reached the end of the alley and slowed as they saw him disappear into a run-down warehouse shouting something about 'cops' and 'dope'. They took cover behind a dumpster and kept eyes on the warehouse entrance where a confused looking man, perhaps their suspect's accomplice, was squinting in their general direction.

They stealthily moved further down the narrow corridor and again took cover behind a dumpster that lay at the end of the alley. The open space between them and the warehouse was filled by a few cars and an open truck loaded with boxes of 'baking soda'.

''Well what do you know? That's Clint Eastwood's Hyundai over there.'' Tony said after a few labored breaths. He turned to see a confused frown on Ziva's pretty face. ''Dirty Harry.'' He elaborated. ''You know, Barkley had a .44 magnum- the most powerful handgun in the wor-'' He tried to continue his best Eastwood impersonation but was sharply _shushed_ by his partner. She had her ear turned in the direction of the warehouse entrance with a familiar look of concentration now firmly in place in her eyes.

''What are your Jedi senses telling you?'' He asked over a slight smirk and a few more ragged breaths that Ziva hadn't failed to notice.

''I can hear them talking.'' She replied quietly. ''Sounds like Spanish. They are saying something about the DEA.'' She translated for him. ''And that they need to kill _us_ …and get the hell out of here.''

Tony considered that for a moment. ''That would explain the cocaine he was weighing in his little magic shack in the yard.''

Ziva raised her eyebrows. ''Gang related, maybe?'' They always bounced ideas off each other, even if it sometimes led to arguments. But she then realized that now was not the time to think about the bigger picture. They just needed to call for back up and make some arrests. She turned to him to suggest that he should call Gibbs when she noticed that he had turned and leant his back against the dumpster, still catching his breath. His right shoulder was now in her view and she could see what was almost certainly a bullet wound through the recently made hole in his NCIS windbreaker. Blood was running down his arm, soaking into his sleeves.

''Tony! Your arm.'' She pointed out in shock as a wave of protective concern passed through her.

He glanced down at it as if it was just a slight graze. ''Oh yeah. That one stung a little bit.'' He said attempting to brush it off with a smile. Ziva was having none of it and instead glared at him like an angry mother. ''It's fine, Ziva. Let's just get these guys and you can put a band aid on my arm later.''

She rolled her eyes and cursed in what he guessed was her native tongue. ''Tony, forget about them for a minute. We need to get you out of here and call Gibbs for back up.''

He looked at her like she was crazy. ''They'll get away, Ziva. I'm more worried about what Gibbs will do if I let that happen than I am about this little scratch.'' Ziva sighed at his stubbornness, even if she knew her attitude was the same at times.

Tony got up from his seated position and looked over the dumpster. A loud shot rang out and a bullet fizzed in to the wall beside them before he quickly ducked back down with a grimace. ''First he shoots at me, and then he leads us into an ambush. I'm really starting to hate this guy.'' He shouted before firing off a few rounds in their foes direction.

''How many are there?'' The Israeli asked, still wincing at how close that shot came to hitting her already wounded partner in the head. He turned around again to lean his back against their cover with a few wheezy breaths. This time she was sure she could see the pain marring his features and her concern was raised a level once again.

He sighed heavily before replying. ''Probably too many.'' He conceded before removing the clip from his gun and checking his ammo. He looked at her and, upon seeing her worried expression, brushed a stray curl out of her face with far too much familiarity. ''You ready'' He asked expectantly. His tone suggesting she was supposed to know what the hell he was planning.

She didn't. ''Ready for what exactly?'' She was always able to read his thoughts, especially in serious situations like this. But right now her cage had been well and truly rattled.

Another bullet fizzed past as it ricocheted off the dumpster's side. ''Well we can't stay here.'' He shot back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ''Not unless you were planning on being shot to death any time soon.''

She nodded quickly. Now he was making more sense. ''Exactly. We cannot stay here. Let's fall back and call Gibbs, Tony. Before you get shot in a more delicate area.'' She told, well more like _ordered_ , him.

He considered that suggestion for a moment. ''Was that supposed to sound dirty? 'Cause it sounded like you were talking about my-''

''Tony!'' She cut him off sharply with wide eyes. ''This is not funny.'' She turned to look back down the alley to plan their daring escape.

She found him looking at her knowingly when she faced him once more. ''Ziva we can't go back that way. We'll be like fish in a barrel.'' He said diplomatically before something seemed to click in his head. ''By the way 'fish in a barrel' means we're easy targ-''

''I know what it means, Tony.'' She interrupted again with an eye roll. ''What do _you_ suggest then? That we fly out of here?'' He seemed to seriously contemplate that option for a second. ''Oh for god's sake, Dinozzo. Try to take this seriously.'' She was in no mood for one of his undoubtedly impending superhero jokes.

He got up into a squatting position and peered around the side of the dumpster this time. ''Ok. I say we move forward.'' He supplied, apparently having made his mind up.

Ziva made her _you are completely insane_ face at him. ''We move _towards_ the people trying to kill us? That sounds like a well thought out plan.'' Her sarcastic dismissal of his idea actually ended up making Tony turn back to her and grin.

''It's not the craziest thing we've ever done, sweetcheeks.'' He winked. ''Cover me.'' Before she could process his sudden insistence on being an idiot, he had stood up and made a dash for the next obstacle that lay between them and their enemies. She let out a harsh expletive once again as she rose above the tin container, full of what must have now been more bullets than anything else, and fired multiple rounds in toward the entrance of the warehouse.

She was quietly pleased to see one of the perpetrators fall down in a cloud of blood. That moment seemed as good as any to follow her partner into the opening at the end of the alleyway they had foolishly rushed down a few minutes ago. This area was dotted with the vehicles they caught a glimpse of earlier and plenty of other random junk she didn't have time to label. But all of it would supply adequate cover if needed.

DiNozzo was crouched behind Barkley's car looking as though he was still struggling for breath after their unexpected run earlier. He gave her a nod as she took cover behind the truck full of what she now suspected was actually cocaine instead of baking soda. She replied in kind, confirming no injuries were sustained on their temporarily separate journeys.

''There's two of them now.'' Tony's shout found her ears above the sound of gunshots still coming from the 'them' in question.

Ziva didn't have time to reply before she heard multiple sets of heavy footsteps running in their direction. She spun from her cover and quickly put two bullets in the chest of one of the suspects and, luckily for her, Tony had done the same thing and disposed of the second one that was not too far behind the first.

Recognizing Barkley as the man he had just fatally shot, Tony looked at his companion with eyebrows raised. ''Something tells me our buddy here wasn't just a run-of-the-mill dock worker.'' He said with a relieved grin.

She chuckled at his not so sudden revelation. ''Whatever gave you that idea, Tony?'' Her sarcastic tone making a comeback.

''Well he seemed to have an unhealthy interest in the 'baking soda' industry.'' He responded, making air quotes with his fingers for emphasis.

Ziva took a deep breath as she tried to process the events of the morning they'd just been through. She ran a relieved hand through her curly hair before turning an endearing smile to her friend. ''You know, for once you're crazy plan actually worked, Tony. I'm impressed.''

He mirrored her relief fueled happiness. ''It's been known to happen.'' He replied with a toothy grin. ''But you were right about calling Gibbs.'' He reached into his pocket and got his phone out to do just that.

She moved to examine his forgotten bullet wound more closely. ''Yes and perhaps an ambulance would be a good idea as well. You have lost quite a lot of-''

''ZIVA!'' His sudden panic filled warning took her by complete surprise as he pushed her down behind his body at the exact second two gunshots rang out from the direction of the alleyway they had previously left unoccupied.

The ex-Mossad officer's perspective seemed to become slow motion in that moment. What was a split second for the unaccounted for shooter seemed like about ten for Ziva. He had barely had a chance to blink, let alone get another shot away, before Ziva had jumped to her feet and redrawn her gun to put one solitary, cold bullet into his forehead. As this was happening at what seemed like the speed of an action replay in a football game, her peripheral vision picked up Tony falling into a bloody heap at her feet.

When she eventually snapped out of her shocked trance she looked down at the man who just acted as her human shield and her heart stopped.

He had taken one in the chest and one in the side. Her ability to breath suddenly became questionable at best and she quickly dropped her gun and got down on her knees beside his still body. ''Tony! Tony can you hear me?'' He was still breathing. She ripped open his windbreaker and her chest grew tight at seeing his shirt underneath it soaked with blood. His lack of response kick started her inevitable panic. ''Tony open your eyes. Stay with me.''

She started to put pressure on his wounds as best she could. Knowing if he didn't get to hospital soon.. She wouldn't let herself finish the thought. She would not lose him.

Remembering that she actually had to _do_ something about the whole hospital thing, she suddenly went for her cell phone only to realize there had been a slightly muffled voice coming from… _underneath her partner?_ this whole time. _His cell phone._ ''Sorry, Tony'' She said softly, not realizing she'd been shedding tears until she choked on them, as she shifted his body slightly and retrieved his now red-tinged cell.

She raised it to her ear and somehow her panic levels were raised even more after hearing her boss' voice bellowing across the bullpen on the other end of the line. _''McGee! Where the hell are they?''_

'' _Working on it boss.''_ She heard the ever faithful agent's voice reply faintly.

'' _Well work on it faster.''_ Her boss ordered as unreasonably as ever. _''DiNozzo what the hell is going on? Do you read me?''_

Ziva managed to squeeze out a shaky greeting, ''Gibbs.'' Her voice cracked as she whispered to her fierce leader.

'' _Ziva? What happened? I heard shots.''_

She chanced a look at her fading partner again but realized looking at him in such a state would only make her completely lose control of her emotions and lose her composure. So she closed her teary eyes as she tried her best to keep her cool. ''Yes. We got into a gunfight. One of them snuck up on us. Tony has…'' She trailed off and choked out a sob as she trailed her hand gently over her best friends increasingly pale face.

'' _Ziva…''_ Gibbs' famous gut must have been screaming at him by now.

She took a deep and painful breath. ''He has been hit Gibbs. Three times!'' She sniffed back more tears trying her best not to completely break down over the phone. ''He threw himself in the way to save me and…'' She trailed off.

'' _McGee!''_ Gibbs shouted again. _''And_ what, _Ziva?''_

She checked his pulse with her trembling hand. ''He's alive. Please send help, Gibbs. He has not opened his eyes. I think I'm losing him…''

'' _You're not gonna lose him, Ziva.''_ She wondered how he could always be so certain.

'' _Got it boss.''_ McGee's voice was suddenly laced with worry as he confirmed what she assumed was a trace on Tony's cell.

'' _With me. Call an ambulance.''_ Gibbs had clearly stood from his desk now and was heading towards the elevator. She could hear McGee questioning the need for the paramedics. _''Just do it, Tim.''_ Her boss' usually gruff voice softened, _''Ziva stay where you are. We're on our way. Don't give up on him.''_ And with that he hung up.

The team leader usually only acted this way when he was seriously worried that the team had lost, or were about to lose, someone dear to them. The thought of them- and of _her-_ losing Tony was simply unbearable to Ziva in that moment. She kept pressure on his chest with one hand and gently cupped his cheek in the other as she leant over him and silently begged whatever higher powers might be listening to let him open his eyes. There was nothing she would not do right now to ensure his survival.

When her silent begging didn't seem to work she reverted to expressing her thoughts out loud. ''I can't lose you, Tony.'' She stated quietly. ''I have lost so much. Please.'' He was still breathing, albeit very faintly. A teardrop had made the long journey from her eye to her chin before dropping on to her companion's neck.

Ziva could feel him slipping away and, despite Gibbs ordering her not to give up on him, she felt herself trying to put together a worthy farewell. Something fitting for the man who formed such a vital part of her soul. She closed her eyes against the pain in her heart. ''I am so sorry, Tony. I have let you down. I have let you down again. You deserve so much better.'' She whispered softly. ''I should have had your back.'' He always had hers, no matter what. He may just have given his life to prove that once again.

Moving her hand round to cradle his head, the reality of the situation suddenly hit her like a slap to the face. She may never get to touch him again. She may never get to see his joker smile or hear his light chuckle. She might not ever have him there to try and cheer her up on a bad day. All she might have left of her partner, the man who had completely stolen her heart without knowing it, were memories and dreams. Without him, would she ever be able to smile again? Would she ever be able to watch a movie, go to work every day or even go to sleep at night without feeling completely empty? His absence from her life may just be the final nail in the coffin of her potential happiness.

The world was about to become a much darker place and such a small handful of people would know why.

Her dark and hellish thoughts were interrupted when she felt a cold hand grip hers above Tony's chest. She opened her eyes in surprise to see his had half opened as he tried to focus on her. The relief she felt went some way to easing the pain of her broken heart.

''Ziva…'' He managed to squeeze out weakly before a violently wet cough forced its way from his throat. Her face melted as more tears formed in her deep brown eyes. ''You alright?'' He managed to ask, although it seemed talking was a hell of a tall order for his body.

Her mouth opened in disbelief. ''Tony, you have been shot three times and you are wondering if I am ok?'' Her expression softened when he could only manage a slight nod in reply. ''Yes. You saved my life. Not for the first time.''

''Well I'm glad my…'' Another painful cough. ''…act of heroism did the trick.'' He rasped out with anguish.

She squeezed his hand tightly, trying to stay strong for him. ''Well your act of heroism almost got you killed.'' She berated through her tight throat, not failing to notice how much she sounded like a mother talking to a hurt child.

He opened his eyes fully, despite how hard it clearly was for him. ''It still might'' he whispered. His loose grip on her wrist tightened as he brought her hand up to his mouth and placed a light kiss to her knuckles. ''Worth it though.'' He told her with an almost inaudibly quiet voice.

Ziva smiled intimately before leaning over and pressing a feather light kiss to his forehead. ''I told you, you do not always have to take one for team.'' She reminded him softly as she sat back up slightly.

Tony met her gaze with a sudden intensity that squeezed her heart. ''And I told you…'' He forced out, ''that I couldn't live without you. Nothing's changed about that, Ziva.'' Her eyes widened as she thought of when he told her that in the middle of that hell hole in Somalia and how surreal it felt to see him sat across from her in the sandy cell. He dragged her out of that horrifying situation and has since dragged her out of countless more. He was always there.

''What makes you think I can live without _you_?'' The thought of even trying to was a nightmare for her. His eyes misted over as he listened to her tear stained declaration. ''I need you, Tony. Where would I be without you?'' It didn't bare thinking about.

He coughed and wheezed breathlessly again before answering in typical fashion. ''Well…I doubt you'd be kneeling down beside a baking soda truck surrounded by dead guys.'' She had to laugh at that. He always knew how to make her laugh.

But as he went into another fit of coughing her thoughts turned serious again as reality came crashing back. ''I would not be anywhere.'' Of that she was certain. ''You have saved me more times than I can count.''

The coughs wracking his body stopped and his eyes closed as he appeared to slip into unconsciousness again. Her breath caught. ''Tony. Come back to me. Please don't do this.''

Just as she had begun to lose hope again, distant sirens grew louder. Before she knew it people wearing green jump suits and sympathetic facial expressions pulled her away from her partner. She reluctantly let go of his hand as he was lifted onto a gurney and shoved into the back of an ambulance, accompanied by all the paramedics trying to work their magic and keep Tony breathing.

Was that the last time she would ever see him alive? She realized that she wasn't breathing either. That she had suddenly been thrown into the unknown. She felt as though she was floating in a confusing world filled with nothing but the blur of red and white lights. Her entire universe had just been set ablaze. She'd never felt so lost. So helpless.

A strong hand was placed on her shoulder and she turned away from the retreating ambulance to find Gibbs' steely gaze piercing her very soul or, at least, whatever was left of it. It was a rare occasion though because, as well as seeing sympathy and concern etched over his stern features, Ziva could have sworn tears were forming in those blue eyes of his. He never cried. _Never_. That was how much Anthony DiNozzo meant to them. He held everyone together, not just her.

And that realization, above all else, caused her to completely lose control.

Her chin quivered before she completely broke down in a fit of sobs and cries of anguish in her ever protective boss' arms. A boss that knew he could be losing more than one agent on this fateful day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. You guys are awesome. This is the middle chapter of the story. Just pre-apologising for a cliche italics flashack but I needed some actual Tiva interaction in the chapter somewhere. Hope you guys enjoy.**

* * *

Hospitals have always been distressing places. Despite being full of good people who dedicate themelves to saving and preserving lives, it's impossible to feel safe and secure when inside their squeeky clean yet germ infested halls. Doctor Donald Mallard, or 'Ducky' as all his friends new him, only ever associated hospitals with death and suffering. Far too many visits to them had resulted in him leaving with part of his ever-weakening heart being broken.

There's only so many times he can see distraught family members being told their loved ones have passed on. Far too many times have these loved ones been young parents or even children. His experience of death, and the turmoil it throws people into, is one reason why he has never been too regretful about never having a family of his own.

But on some days he remembered that he _did_.

Days when team Gibbs is completely and utterly shaken. Days when his list of dear friends and long-time colleagues could potentially be shortened once again. When he spends days _and_ nights in the hospital to monitor the doctors and ensure that the endangered member of the NCIS family is being treated correctly. All the while praying they can ever actually be healed. Because that's what they become in the dark times; Family.

That's why he had been sat down next to Abby for what felt like an eternity waiting for news of there dear senior field agent's surgical success. Or at least what they both insisted would be a success in their overly optimistic opinions. Her tears had stopped flowing a few hours ago but her eyes were damp and bloodshot as she tried desperately to stop her lips trembling. Her head had been rested on Ducky's shouder for about half and hour or so as he tried his best to comfort her.

After a few more minutes of silent worrying, he spotted Gibbs marching down the hallway towards them. He had a coffee in hand and a stressed looking McGee on his six. The silver haired ex-marine glanced at Abby as he stopped in front of them and, for a moment, his face formed an expression you'd expect to see on the face of a father looking at his suffering daughter. Ducky supposed, in a way, that's what he was seeing.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs always had the weight of the whole team on his shoulders, but it was often a load he could share with DiNozzo. At times like this, he must've felt as though he had the whole world on them.

''Any news?'' Gibbs asked in his softest tone.

A simple, solemn shake of the head was all Ducky offered in response, but it was enough for Gibbs to sigh heavily with sorrow. He looked back at McGee, ''You don't have to be here, Tim.'' He offered placing a hand on his sholder. ''You can go home and get some sleep.'' Ducky suspected that McGee didn't even consider the option.

''I'm not leaving, boss. Not until we know something.'' He replied firmly. Him and Gibbs had just spent hours investigating the rather large crime scene and connecting the remaining dots of the case that Tony and Ziva had blown wide open. It was night time by the time they were done and Ducky suspected McGee's exhaustion could only be outweighed by his loyalty to DiNozzo.

With that his boss nodded, understanding that sleep would be evasive for any of them anyway. ''Ok.'' He turned back to Ducky, ''Where'd Ziva go?''

It was a simple question but the Scotsman did not have a precise answer. ''She left a few minutes ago. She didn't say where but I suspect putting on her usual brave face was becoming too difficult for her. She just wants some time alone.''

The sigh Gibbs let out upon hearing that answer suggested that he had expected such a reaction from their emotionally guarded Israeli friend. ''She shouldn't close herself off this time, Duck. It'll eat away at her.''

''She blames herself for what happened, Jethro. And I fear she expects us to blame her as well.'' Ducky was sure she was expecting a tongue lashing from one of them at any second berating her Tony-protecting skills. This was of course ridiculous. They all knew the lengths the pair would go to for each other. DiNozzo had once even flown half way around the world just to avenge Ziva's assumed death. The doctor had no doubt he wouldn't hesitate to throw himself into oncoming bullets to save her.

Gibbs seemed to look almost hurt at the idea of the woman expecting the rest of the team to simply point the finger at her. Abby lifted her head off Ducky's shoulder as she finally decided to speak her mind again for the first time in about an hour. ''You gotta find her, Gibbs.'' She pleaded. Her voice was still strained and hoarse from all the crying. ''She won't say anything, but she's falling apart. She needs help even if she doesn't want it.''

Gibbs regarded her for a second before giving a familiar nod of confirmation. ''You ok, Abs?'' They were all well aware of how badly she worried for any team member, even if they just got punched or pushed over. In situations like this, Ducky was sure their usually fearless leader was secretly terrified that his little family was being torn apart. Hence the question.

''No.'' She replied simply. ''But I'm not afraid to admit it. Go find her, Gibbs.''

It was more or less an order. And he seemed willing to oblige. He simply nodded again, this time to the group. ''You know where to find me.'' He added as he turned away holding up his cell phone briefly in case they forgot the answer. And with that, he disappeared back down the hallway to presumably use his gut-related powers to find their Israeli-American friend.

Ducky sighed as the heavy emotional weight of the tragic day failed to leave the room. In fact, it grew heavier as McGee waited until the bossman was out of sight before sitting down in a vacated chair in a slump and putting his head in his hands. It was obvious he had reached the end of his streak of composed professionalism. No longer could he pretend that he wasn't suffering.

The elderly M.E took a second or two to think about his colleagues. They were all strong, utterly professional and generally exceptional people. Very rarely would he see them in such a state of emotional disarray. On the outside they were rock, but on the inside they were full of nothing but love.

Tony DiNozzo was at the centre of everything that made this team, this _family,_ survive on a day to day basis without falling apart. He was much more than just a senior field agent. He was a friend, a partner, a brother. He was the heart and soul of this group.

* * *

Ziva couldn't be in that building right now, she just _couldn't._ The noise, the smell and the general gloom of a hospital is the last thing she wants to be surrounded by right now. Yet she dare not go home. She couldn't abandon him completely. She had let him down enough already. That's why she found herself sitting on a bench overlooking the small pond in the gardens of the dreaded building. Ignoring the cold of the night, only acknowledging the hollow feeling she felt inside her. The darkness felt fitting, as if it symbolized the feeling in her heart.

Still no news on Tony's surgery. It had been hours since she was almost dragged away kicking and screaming from the doors to the surgery unit. It took a calming hand by Ducky to stop her going into a full fit of rage. _Couldn't live without you, I guess._ Oh how she understands what he meant now. She truly understands. In fact, she wonders how she can live with herself. She never told her partner how much he meant to her. How she could be driven completely insane by him one minute and how he can just as easily steal her breath away the next. She never told him how much she…

She couldn't even say it to him in her thoughts. How could she? This past year she has been vaguely aware that she was in love with him but never even allowed herself to really stop and think about it. There have been times, like during the days following her father's death, that he showed his true colors. He showed her how much he cares, showed her how big his heart truly was. He made it impossible for her not to fall for him. Would she ever get another chance to tell him that? Would she ever have the nerve to, even after the events of today?

There have been times when she almost found it within herself to just do it. To just talk to him, _really_ talk to him about where they stood. One of which was in the dark days of Parsons investigating their team. The whole thing with her and Adam had clearly hurt Tony. In Ziva's desperate attempt to keep hold of the closeness they had just begun getting used to, she nearly told him her true feelings. She decided against it, knowing it would only add to the confusion and chaos.

Another, more happy memory of the last thanksgiving pushed to front of her jumble mind. Yes, that was the moment she realized he completely owned her heart. She almost told him so that evening at Gibbs' house…

 _Dinner was everything she was used to, from Ducky's long stories to Abby's excited picture taking. It was all warm and familiar. She felt at home with these individuals. But her mind never drifted too far away from one particular individual. Her partner had been his usual charming self when interacting with everyone else but whenever she chanced meeting his eyes, he would give her a small smile and wink that felt completely private and wonderfully intimate._

 _Tony had truly surprised Ziva earlier that evening with his actions. Taking the time to make an opera CD for her and hooking it all up to the bullpen's surround sound system so she could honor her little sister's memory was, without a doubt, the kindest thing anyone had ever done for her. By doing so he proved that she was right to trust him with the private piece of information she shared about her annual opera trips._

 _Dinner was eaten and drinks were drained as the team used the occasion to act like any other (almost) normal family would during thanksgiving. Ziva was in charge of dessert as per usual. The whole team adored her creative after-dinner treats and insisted that such kitchen skills should never go to waste. She excused herself and made her way to Gibbs' kitchen to prepare this year's particular choice of treat._

 _She had been in there for barely a minute before Tony joined her with a slight smile on his face. ''Need any help?'' He asked sincerely._

 _She smiled at his insistence on being a gentleman. ''Thank you, Tony. But I am fine.'' She said glancing up from the countertop to meet his eyes. ''You have done enough to help me tonight.''_

 _His face softened at her admission. ''That's what I'm here for, Miss David.'' He said with a fake tip of the hat. Hidden behind his humorous tone was a serious message he was trying to send her._

 _Ziva read it loud and clear. ''I never truly thanked you.'' She told him with a hint of regret and apology._

'' _You never have to, Ziva.'' He had abandoned his toothy smile for a more open, serious expression. ''I don't do it to get praise. The stuff that's important to you is important to me.''_

 _She turned to mush slightly at that comment. He was killing her tonight. ''You did not have to do what you did, Tony. It must have taken you hours.'' She told him, half expecting him to respond with a frustrated sigh at her usual dismissal of her worthiness for his time._

 _She was surprised then, when he rested a hand on her shoulder and held her gaze with such intensity that her breath caught. ''You're worth every second.'' He eventually said in a quiet voice that nearly brought tears to her eyes._

 _She couldn't bare it any longer, she threw her arms around him in a tight hug and rested hear head against his chest. He hesitated at first, no doubt wondering what had come over his usually hardened partner, before wrapping his arms around her in reply._

 _He gently stroked her back a few times before breaking the comfortable silence, ''I know how much Tali meant to you, Ziva.'' He said gently into her crown of curls. ''It was the least I could do.'' He almost sounded sorry he couldn't do more. And Ziva wondered if he had actually tried to do anything to get her tickets for the real opera. With the way he was treating her tonight, she wouldn't have been all that surprised._

 _She eventually broke away from the hug and immediately missed the warmth of his body. She wouldn't let that stop her telling him what was on her mind though. ''Tony…'' She trailed off as it turned out that she couldn't quite put it into words._

 _He smirked slightly before prompting her. ''What?''_

 _She took a deep breath before deciding that right now actions would speak louder than words and raised herself up to kiss him on the cheek with sheer adoration. Once she pulled pack down to her height she rested her hand on his chest, right over his heart. ''You are the best partner anyone could ever wish for.'' She eventually told him, finding her previously lost voice._

 _At that compliment, his face melted as he ran a hand through her curls and cradled the back of her head. She could tell by his face that he was about to match her statement with something equally deep and heartfelt. ''Ziva, you gotta understand that you're more than just-''_

'' _What's the hold up in here, guys?'' Abby's chirpy voice interrupted them in the private, imaginary confessional booth they'd created. They both jumped a little and separated to increase the distance between them to something safer. Their friend had clearly realized she was intruding though. Although she didn't seem to care._

'' _Oh my god, am I interrupting something?'' She asked with an all knowing smirk. ''Wow and in Gibbs' house too. You guys really are fearless.'' She put her hand to her heart as her face melted in that typical way. ''But so damn cute.''_

 _Before they could explain themselves. She clip-clopped over to them in her heals and gave them each a rather tight hug before turning towards the doorway. ''Don't worry, people. My lips are sealed.'' She saluted them before leaving them in an awkward silence._

 _They eventually looked at each other again. ''Um…'' Was all Tony could say, his face was one of pure confusion._

'' _We should bring out the dessert.'' Ziva quickly suggested while awkwardly avoiding eye contact. ''Could you bring out some of the servings?'' She knew a return to normality was the best way to forget about yet another interrupted intimate moment between her and Tony._

 _He sighed before replying in what sounded like a disappointed tone. ''Sure.'' He caught her gaze as she handed him two plates of cheesecake, a twinkle in his eye. ''But I can't promise I won't eat it all between here and the table.'' He joked as another trademark grin appeared on his face._

 _And with that, it was business as usual as all tension drained from the room. She chuckled with him before teasing, ''Just try not to get indigestion, Tony.'' He winked at her before turning away and leaving her alone again…_

Back in hellish reality she realized that a stray tear was running down her face as she relived that particular memory all too vividly. She should have just bitten the bullet and told him then. Told him everything. She may well have if they'd been able to share some privacy for just a few more minutes. She promised herself she would tell him how she felt if he lived through this. Or even if he didn't, she would find some sort of way to speak from the heart to him out loud.

Her determined thoughts came to a halt as she heard approaching footsteps. She knew those heavy feet anywhere. The smell of coffee confirmed her theory and, sure enough, Gibbs slipped into a seating position next to her without the need for a greeting. They both sat there in silence for a few minutes, just staring aimlessly into the water of the ponds in front of them. The only sound was their breathing and the distant sound of the city.

Ziva knew her boss was waiting for her to break the silence but she could only think of one thing to say. ''I am sorry, Gibbs.'' She said quietly without even turning towards him.

He sighed heavily. ''You've already said that, Ziva.'' He told her before taking a sip of his ever present coffee. ''And I've already said it's not your fault.''

''Those bullets were meant for me.'' She informed him for about the fifth time that day. ''I was the one who was not alert. I was not aware of my surroundings and…'' She choked back her impending tears. ''And he has paid the price.'' Her eyes dropped further so she was now looking at the ground. ''It should have been me.'' She told him. That was actually the first time she expressed that particular thought out loud.

At that confession of her darkest thoughts, Gibbs reached over and held her chin between his fingers to direct her line of vision towards him. The dampness and lack of life he saw in her usually full-of-life eyes made his heart ache. ''No one's blaming you, Ziva.'' He tried his best to assure her. ''Imagine you just said that to DiNozzo. What do you think he would say?''

She seemed to somehow deflate even further at that. ''I will never know.'' She whispered with a quivering chin as she visibly tried not to burst into tears in front of him again.

''You're talking like he's dead, Ziva.'' He accused. ''What did I tell you this morning about giving up on him?'' He gave her that infamous Gibbs stare that always meant his question wasn't rhetorical.

''Not to.'' She replied as shame etched its way across her face.

He nodded. ''Right. You heard that. So hear this, Ziva.'' He ordered as his stare became even more no-nonsense, ''It's not your fault. He's still alive and he needs his partner to be sane when he wakes up.''

He sounded so sure that could happen. ''But we don't know if-''

Her argument was cut off firmly by her silver haired father figure. ''He _will_ wake up. There's no way he's leaving me to clean up this mess.'' He said in his typical hard ass fashion.

For the first time since the early morning, Ziva smiled slightly at her boss' return to his familiar ways. Even if it was just a show he was putting on. After returning to his softer demeanor he reminded her of what she should have never forgotten. ''He's been where you are before. A long time ago.'' He told her. ''He never gave up on you. He brought you home. Look how far you've come since.''

Her heart squeezed at his reminder. Tony rescued her from the brink of oblivion. He didn't give up on her; even after she gave up on herself. She took on board her boss' message but jumped back to his previous one about what her partner needs from her if- no _when_ \- he wakes up.

''I can promise to be there when he wakes.'' She squeezed out through a suddenly tight throat, ''But I cannot promise to stay sane in the mean time.'' He seemed to understand where she was coming from but she had more to say on the matter. ''Tony has always been the one who stops me from losing my mind.''

He gave her a soft look before sighing and averting his gaze back in the direction of the pond once again. ''I know.'' He said in an all knowing tone but she read the underlying message in his acknowledgment: It was not just her sanity on the line. He sometimes felt the same way.

More regret pushed its way to surface of Ziva's emotions in that moment and she found herself speaking her mind out loud without even thinking about it. ''I have never told him that.'' She whispered. ''I have never told him how much he means to me.''

Her confession was made to the very last person who should be hearing it. A certain Gibbs rule that both her and Tony had danced around during their whole partnership meant a bad reaction was all she ever expected if she would ever so much as say a nice thing about her partner in front of her boss. But when she looked up at him expecting a warning glare, she only saw sympathy and certainly no sign of surprise in his expression.

He nodded. ''You'll get another chance to.'' He told her in a sure voice. ''Make sure you take it.'' He ordered, leaving no room for argument.

Ziva found herself once again feeling determined to admit her feelings to Tony the next time she got the chance. He deserved that much. He has proven how much he cares for her and the extent of what he would do for her. She figured it was about time she returned the favor. ''I will.'' She confirmed. It was the surest her voice had been all day.

Gibb's cell phone starting ringing from inside his pocket before anymore could be said. Her heart stopped as he answered with his usual 'Yeah Gibbs.' She knew what this call was about but she had no idea what it meant. Was Tony out of surgery? Was he still alive? Or was this going to be the moment the last piece of her soul was crushed? She almost didn't want to know.

''Ok.'' Her boss responded to whoever was on the other side of the line. ''Got it.'' He was about hang up when something his fellow conversationalist said made him hold the phone back to his ear. ''Yeah, I've got her.'' With that, he slapped the cell shut and looked at Ziva.

This was the moment she both dreaded and yearned for.

''He's out of surgery.'' He let her know. Her stomach did a little flip at the news. ''He's in the ICU. Come on.'' He stood up, assuming she would follow. She did with a sudden spring in her step.

''Are we allowed to see him?'' She asked hopefully. Indulging in her feeling of hope.

Gibbs shrugged in response. ''Don't know. But we're going to anyway.'' His ability to be so arrogantly sure of himself never ceased to amaze Ziva. It was something she relied on in dark situations. And the day she'd been through had been a whole new level of dark. But ironically, as they got deeper into the night, this was the brightest she had felt since the first bullet was fired earlier that day.

She followed her boss back into the hospital and found that her breathing became shallower as they travelled, step by step, closer to the ICU. They weren't sure what state they'd find him in, but they were sure that DiNozzo was alive. Her new found nervousness was brought about by the anticipation of expressing her love for the man who had just put himself through hell to save her. Again.

They burst through the ICU unit doors without waiting for permission before Gibbs led her to the room he'd been informed contained a certain very special agent. When they reached it he opened the door without hesitation but Ziva found herself frozen on the spot. This was going to be harder than she thought. Gibbs looked back at her in question.

''How does he look, Gibbs?'' She dared to ask through an impossibly tight throat.

He looked into the room before turning back to her with a steely glare. ''Come see for yourself, David.'' He tilted his head in the direction of the door, signaling her to get her butt in the room before stepping inside himself. She took a few seconds to pluck up the courage but eventually followed his order.

Taking a few deep breaths she slowly walked through the doorway. What she saw didn't catch her by surprise exactly but still managed to shock a gasp out of her. Her beloved partner was laid down on a bed and hooked up to what seemed like a ridiculous amount of machines. His face was pale yet somehow peaceful in his unconscious state. His stillness was unnerving but a wave of relief washed through her with every steady _beep_ of the heartbeat monitor. It acted as an acoustic reminder that, despite how bad it seemed, Tony was alive. Not well and not conscious, but still alive.

''Hey! You guys shouldn't be in here.'' An alarmed and tired looking nurse told them after her routines had been interrupted by them barging in. ''No visitors until tomorrow. And that's family only.'' Her sternness faded out of her tone as she looked at Ziva. The Israeli hadn't taken her eyes off the man in the bed since she entered the room. The look of sheer agony etching her exhausted looking features as she stared at his face was one she recognized. More often than not it could be found when looking into the eyes of a patient's lover.

''We're family.'' Gibbs told her calmly. ''Please.''

It was rare for him to use that word. The nurse didn't know it but did seem genuinely sorry that she had to argue. ''You can come back tomorrow. He's not going anywhere. We'll take good care of him, I promise.''

As the nurse tried her best not to cave in to Gibbs' pleading- which is a lot easier said than done- Ziva made her way to the bedside. Each step felt larger and heavier as she got closer to Tony's still figure. When she eventually arrived at her destination, she slowly reached for him, taking his cold hand in hers and running her other through his sandy hair. Never once tearing her gaze away from his face. Gibbs and the nurse watched this unfold. The hospital employee's facial expression dissolved into one of pity.

Gibbs leaned closer to her, ''You wanna tell her she has to leave?'' he whispered as if interrogating a mentally unstable suspect. ''cause I sure as hell don't.''

That seemed to do the trick because, after considering it for a second or two, she simply sighed before giving in. ''Ok. But no more people can visit yet. There's still a risk of infection.'' She said warningly. Before turning to leave. ''I'll be down the hall of you need me.''

At that moment Ziva seemed to have broken free of her Tony trance, ''Excuse me.'' She called out finally turning away from her partner's bed. ''Sorry miss…um-''

''Farrow. You can call me Tracy though.'' She offered politely.

Ziva smiled in thanks. ''Ziva'' she nodded in greeting before deciding whether or not she actually wanted to know the answer to what she was about to query. ''How is he doing? Are there any early signs?'' She braced herself for whatever response she might receive, hoping it would not cause her to burst into tears again.

Tracy looked over Tony's chart before nodding encouragingly. ''He's responded well to the surgery. He's already taken a few positive steps forward but still has a long road to recovery- for want of a better phrase.''

That was good news. It had to be, right? The fact that he'd even set foot on the road to recovery has to be a good thing. Ziva let out the breath she didn't even realize she was holding as Gibbs took over the questioning, ''Any idea when he'll be awake?'' That was the big question. The one Ziva almost asked first but couldn't quite bring herself to do it.

Tracy seemed to think too long about this answer. Ziva suspected she was trying to find a way to word the bad news. ''It's hard to say right now. He _will_ wake up. It could happen tomorrow or it could happen…a little later.''

Ziva knew a 'little later' meant a _lot_ later but didn't bother arguing about it. ''Thank you, Tracy. I am sorry if we get you into trouble.'' She said politely.

She waved her hand dismissively. ''Won't be anything more than a slap on the wrist. Don't worry about it.'' And with that she finally left them alone.

Ziva returned her focus to Tony. She was still holding his hand. She hadn't let go yet. She didn't think she could ever let go now, even if she wanted to. The sound of wood scraping across granite temporarily accompanied the sounds of the DiNozzo life support machinery as Gibbs offered her the chair from the corner of the room.

''Thank you.'' She whispered. She had not even thought about sitting down yet. Anything that involved leaving Tony's side, even just for a second, was out of the question at this point. Gibbs' cell phone rang before he could say 'you're welcome'. Although she expected he wasn't going to.

''Yeah.'' A loud and fast paced ramble could be heard coming from the earpiece. _Abby,_ Ziva guessed. And sure enough…''Slow down, Abs.'' Her boss shot back into the phone. ''We're with him. He's still out.'' His eyes went up to heaven as more hyper-speed yelling assaulted his ears. ''He's gonna be fine-'' He sighed. ''They won't let anyone else see him yet.'' He looked down at Ziva as she gave him an empathetic look. ''You know what, Abs? I'll come to you. Ziva's watching him.'' He let out another sigh as his patience appeared to be wearing thin. ''Yeah I talked to her.'' He hung up abruptly to prevent himself being trapped in the never ending world of Abby's questions.

''She told you to talk to me?'' Ziva asked him quietly but with genuine curiosity. She couldn't help feeling a little annoyed at their apparent need to discuss her behind her back however.

Gibbs nodded slightly. ''She was worried about you, Ziva.'' He replied as if it was obvious before adding ''They all were.''

Despite feeling love and appreciation for all her co-workers and friends, she felt as though their thoughts may just be in the wrong place. ''It is not me they should be worrying about.'' She stated solemnly after her eyes once again met Tony's icy face.

''They're just looking out for their family.'' He reminded her as he headed towards the door. ''Coulda lost two members of it today. They're entitled to worry about both of them.'' He left the room and Ziva let his point sink in. The mild betrayal she felt as she imagined the team talking about her during her absence earlier seemed stupid now. They were just watching her back.

Looking at her partner then, she realized her mind had been acting stupid all day. How could she have given up on him? How could she have been preparing for a miserable life without him when he had never truly left this world? He was going to come back to her at some point. When this actually happened was another matter. But she was determined to be right there next to him when it did.

She suddenly remembered her resolution earlier about being fully honest with him. She was still doubtful she would ever get the chance to tell him how she felt earlier, but now she was certain. In fact, she felt an unexpected determination within her to spill her heart out to him right then and there.

It may have been cowardly to make these admissions to her partner while he was in coma, but she wanted to make the most of her new found courage.

''Tony…'' She started before having to clear her throat to strengthen her weak voice. ''I do not know if you can hear me.'' She had feeling though, just a gut feeling, that he somehow could. ''What you did to save me earlier was foolish and crazy but…'' She trailed off as she ran a hand over the bandaged wound on his right shoulder, the first of too many injuries he sustained the previous morning. ''But I understand why you did it. I would have done the same for you in a heartbeat.''

''I just want you to know that I'm not mad at you. If you are worried about me yelling or Gibbs-slapping you because you nearly died for me then…don't be.'' She told him firmly. ''I have never been less mad at you in all my life, Tony.''

She half hoped her reassurance would cause him to wake up and grin at her in relief. Rationally she knew that was silly. ''Please wake up, Tony.'' She whispered to him. ''You do not have to rush but…I really need you to wake up. I don't think I can survive in this world without you.'' Her heart raced but it became easier to speak with such raw honesty with every sentence. ''You have always been there. You have always had my back -and not just in the field. You are more than just my partner.''

This was the moment. She was about to say the really tricky bit. Three words that she'd only ever said to her immediate family members before. Three words that, if Tony really _could_ hear her, would change everything. ''You are more than just my best friend.'' She continued as her eyes began to tear over again. ''You are everything to me, Tony. Everything. You are the guardian angel I've always needed but never deserved. You are always the light at end of my tunnel. You are aware of all my flaws but somehow choose to see past them. And for that I…'' She stopped abruptly again.

Why couldn't she say it? Why was she so afraid to let herself openly love him? Part of her was worried that if she finally admitted it to him then he would be snatched away from her. That whatever supernatural force that had stolen everyone she'd ever loved away from her would decide it was time to take Tony as well.

 _Just do it._ Her conscience demanded. _Just tell him. What do you have to lose?_ It rhetorically asked her. _You have everything to gain._

''And for that I love you.'' It was finally out there and, to Ziva's surprise, a huge weight lifted off her chest. ''I love you so much, Tony. I want you to know that. I want you to know how loved and cherished you really are so that you can let yourself wake up. I promise I will be right here when you do.'' She lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed his stone-cold knuckles.

''I need you.'' She whispered at an almost inaudible level. He remained still. Time would tell whether he had heard her heartfelt confessions or not but, right now, all she could do was stay with him. Stay with him and vigilantly watch over him like a mother-bear over her cub.

She will _never_ give up on him again. She promised herself she would be the first face he sees when he wakes up. She was not going anywhere until he does.

* * *

 **This is not the ending. I must stress that. Sorry if it got too mushy and sappy. I tried to keep it as in-character as possible. Stay tuned for part three, guys. Might be a bit of a delay for it compared to this chapter as other things (like crappy work, sleeping and the FA cup final) may get in the way so apologies for that but I promise an ending soon.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is. Sorry about the delay. As a retail worker and a massive Arsenal fan, my weekend was kid of crammed with non-NCIS related stuff. Hope this conclusion satisfies.  
**

* * *

Nothingness. It was empty and colorless, but somehow not dark. A world where you are completely left alone in your own thoughts. A dimension in which you are a being held captive, but without the need for chains or prison cells. Your body is being restrained by nothing but itself. The only mercy shown is that your connection to the real universe is not completely severed. The familiar voices your brain is painfully used to processing somehow find their way through to you. You cannot respond, even if you yearn to more than anything else. You just _exist._ You spend every minute begging your body to reboot itself and allow you to break free.

That was how Anthony DiNozzo would describe the situation he had been in for the last...unknown number of days. He knew, from what he'd heard about coma experiences, that he must have been in one- and therefore on a hospital bed somewhere in the real world. How he ended up there was something that had slipped his memory. All he could remember was looking into Ziva's worried eyes and tear-stained face. That couldn't be a good thing then. His bad ass partner very rarely cried, so he must've been in a bad way. But he supposed she did love him. She even told him so. He wasn't sure when it happened, or if it ever actually _did_ happen, but her voice had been ringing in his head since he first found himself in this mind-prison and one of the messages it passed to him was how much she loved him and how important his role was in her life. It could've just been wishful thinking, or even wishful dreaming, but it felt meaningful nonetheless.

How he wished he could respond. How he wished he could express that her love was returned by him tenfold. He wanted to reach out and grab her hand, to kiss her crown and hold her close. He had done all these things before, but they were rare and precious moments. He and Ziva had always silently agreed that they would remain just that: _moments_. Things would change so much now, if only he could reach out for her. He could feel her presence. He always could. Long gone were days when she could sneak up on him. Even now, as he only partially had one of his five senses, he could feel her.

The feeling of her presence was something that had barely left him since he first entered this hell in which he lived in. It was the only bridge between him and his actual life. The only thing giving him hope. He had to wake up. He had to escape from being stuck inside his own head. It was too painful. Even if he could just move his pinky finger, it would be a victory. A small victory in the battle against the darkness. One that could hopefully lead to him winning the war.

He could do this. How hard could it be? Just move. Fingers are so light, so easy to move. McGee can keep his moving over a keyboard all day. Why couldn't Tony even _feel_ his? This sucked. He would not give up trying to reconnect his soul to his body, but the frustration that failure caused was really getting to him. If he was in an actual prison cell, then this would be the equivalent of kicking against the walls hoping they'd cave in and grant you access to freedom.

Tony DiNozzo was always a bad loser. There was no way he was losing this one.

* * *

''Ziva, darling! You're still here? You told me you might head home and rest tonight.''

Anthony DiNozzo Senior was always a big fan of his son's exotic partner. She was used to hearing his kind words, but not in the lifeless tone he had adopted since arriving from New York to visit his wounded son. He had visited frequently and entirely by choice, clearly answering the question as to whether or not he really cared for Tony. His heart was always in the right place. She looked up from the book she was half reading and shot him a small smile devoid of any real joy.

''I considered it. But Abby brought me another change of clothes so going home was not necessary.'' She informed him.

Her sleeping pattern had been sporadic over the last few days but she knew it would end up being non-existent if she went home. Leaving Tony just felt wrong. The guilt it would cause her would make any attempt at sleeping in her own bed an exercise in futility.

''Sweetheart.'' He admonished gently. ''Fresh outfits won't help you catch up on sleep. I'm sure junior here wouldn't want you suffering on his account.''

She glanced back up at her partner's lifeless face. ''He has suffered enough on mine.'' She replied quietly. ''Thank you for your concern, Mr. DiNozzo but I am fine.''

He frowned in surrender. Her dismissal of his concern was something he'd grown accustomed to over the short time he'd been in town. Everyone else had tried to tell her to go home and sleep at least once, but they knew her too well to bother trying again. She was not leaving Tony- it was as simple as that. There were no two ways about it. You would have to drag her away if you wanted her to leave his side. She knew if the roles were reversed he would be sat right there in the same chair she was in.

''Any signs of improvement?'' The older man inquired, his face suggesting he was tired of having to ask that after nearly three days.

Ziva felt empathy in that moment. She was certainly tired of giving him the same answer. ''They cannot really say.'' She replied with a heavy sigh. ''His vitals are fine and his body seems to be ready to wake up. It is just a case of whether he can find the strength to do it.''

She knew he would. Tony DiNozzo was one of the strongest people she ever knew. She was certain that, no matter what was going on his brain, he was fighting to come back to life. In fact, she could have sworn she felt his hand twitch slightly earlier that day but decided not to tell anyone. She was alone when it happened and knew the next visitor to join her would be Ducky. His psychological expertise would have no doubt led to him silently diagnosing her with a delusional imagination. She thought it was best to avoid being suspected of going completely crazy, even if she warned Gibbs it might well happen.

''He's always been strong- my boy.'' Senior told her as if she didn't already know. ''He's just like his mother.''

Ziva looked back up to him then, curious to hear more of what Tony's father had to say about the 'love of his life', as he once called his late wife. All Ziva really knew was that the woman was responsible for bringing the love of _her_ life into this world, before involuntarily leaving him behind eight years later.

''She kept fighting until the end.'' He explained in a thick voice. ''Junior handled himself much better than I did after we lost her.'' His eyes went distant as he remembered his heart-breaking past. ''I always knew he had her heart.'' He continued, but this time a proud smile found its way onto his face. ''And I've always been thankful for that. I see a bit of her every time I look at him.''

Ziva's heart suddenly squeezed with sympathy and understanding. She knew what it was like to lose a loved one. She knew the ache never really left you, and that outside help was needed to find relief from the pain. Tony was that outside help for her these days and she wondered if his father felt the same way. Only the help her partner gave his dad was different to what she received from him. Tony represented a living part of his mother's soul, and therefore he symbolized her bond with Senior. Whereas to Ziva, he had ended up symbolizing whatever light was left in her _own_ soul. She couldn't help but feel that she and Tony shared the same lifeline. That without one, the other would fall. She sure as hell knew she wouldn't be there without _him_ anyway.

''You must be proud of the man he has become.'' She stated as her own pride in her partner spread through her exhausted heart.

The older man nodded slowly as he stood looking over his son. ''I am.'' He replied sincerely. ''He's my whole world.'' His expression then became one of shame. ''I don't show it or even say it enough but…he really is.'' He reached out and rested his hand on Tony's motionless arm. ''He deserves to be surrounded by people who can prove how much they love him.'' He looked down at her with a thankful smile. ''I'm glad he found you, Ziva.''

Her stomach flipped at that, and a slight blush stained her cheeks. But if Senior noticed, he didn't seem perturbed.

''I lost my soulmate.'' He turned back to his offspring as he continued to his delve into the past. ''I would give anything to have got more time with her.'' His eyes were glassy now with the unshed tears of heartbroken nostalgia. He looked back to Ziva with a suddenly intense stare. ''My son found his years ago. I doubt he was really aware of it at first but… he _must_ know now.''

He moved closer to the curly haired soulmate in question, placing a hand on her shoulder. ''Don't let each other go. Can you promise an old fool that? Never let him lose you. Life's too damn short.''

Ziva's heart ached as she processed the advice. Never before had she felt so much respect for the man in front of her. He was clearly a lot more observant and intelligent than he let on. A trait he shared with his son. Behind the often charming and goofy exterior lay two men who were vastly complex and full of love. Senior seemed certain about the idea of her and Tony finding the happiness he all too briefly experienced with his first wife. She wasn't quite as confident in her ability to provide her partner with the joy he undoubtedly deserved, but was damn sure willing to try. Just as she opened her mouth to give the older man _some_ sort of reply, the door opened as a rather nervous looking McGee poked his head through.

''Hey guys.'' He greeted carefully, as if he was afraid to wake the unconscious patient in the bed. Ziva almost smiled at the thought. If there was any risk of that happening, then she would happily shout to the heavens right in front of Tony's face just to see him open his eyes.

''Tim, my dear boy.'' Senior responded in a typically welcoming manor. ''Come on in. There's always room for one more.'' He assured the young agent with a wave of his hand.

''And what about two more?'' The familiarly accented voice of Ducky rose up from behind McGee's back. He entered the room behind the elf lord without actually waiting for any permission. Not that he would ever be refused entry. The Scotsman removed his trademark long coat and fedora-style hat and placed them on the small table in the corner of the room. The team had not-so-sneakily pinched some chairs from the ER waiting room a few hours after more visitors were actually granted access into Tony's. Both Ducky and McGee planted their backsides on them to settle in for what often ended up being a lengthy visit.

''How is our dear Anthony doing today?'' The elderly medical examiner asked, as if he didn't already know.

Ziva and Senior shared a knowing look. They were both becoming increasingly sick of having to put the lack of good news into words. Ziva wasn't sure how he felt, but she was personally thankful they never had any bad news to respond with. Her eyes sent senior a silent plea to answer Ducky's question so she didn't have to. She hoped he was as good at reading her as his son was. Whether he got her message or not remained unknown, but he did speak up first.

''No changes, Dr Mallard.'' The grey haired con artist answered with a sigh. ''We're just waiting for him to win the fight.''

Ducky and McGee both reacted as if they expected that to be the case, giving simple nods as they aimed sympathetic looks at Ziva. Every visitor had worked out by now that, unless they walked in and literally found Tony awake, their beloved friend was probably in the same state of limbo he'd been in for the past 72 hours. That didn't prevent them from hoping that wasn't the case though.

''Well…'' McGee spoke up, intending to supply his opinion on the situation. ''If I know Tony like I think I do, he's just trying to catch us by surprise.'' His voice sounded optimistic, but Ziva knew he was simply trying to keep the collective spirits up. It was something he often did, even if he wasn't conscious of it.

She smiled ever so slightly while nodding in agreement. ''He certainly never failed to surprise us.'' She agreed in a fond tone. ''Even after all this time.''

Her line of vision settled on Tony's uncharacteristically neutral face once again. One of the many things Ziva loved about her long time partner was the way he always managed to catch her out in the best possible ways. Just when she thought she could predict his every move, he would do something to show her just how unpredictably brilliant he truly was. Whether it was rescuing her from terrorist camps or following her all the way to Berlin, he constantly proved his loyalty to her in unexpected ways.

''Yes.'' Ducky agreed. It was obvious, to everyone in the room, that he was about to slip into philosophical mode. He didn't disappoint. ''Often we learn the most about our dearest friends in the darkest of times. Our Tony has always proved what a great ally he is, especially when we least expect it. I'm sure he won't leave us to hurt from his absence for much longer.''

Ziva absorbed the Scotsman's message, praying his wise words would be proven right yet again. He always knew how to reassure his peers when they needed it the most. And by god did she need reassurance at this point. She almost felt as gullible as a child when she heard encouraging news about Tony's condition. She wanted to believe he was simply biding his time, and not struggling to resist heavens call with every second that passed.

She knew he would return to them when he was ready. She just hoped he would be ready sooner rather than later.

* * *

Tony realized his eyes _really_ hurt as he tried to open them. The light beating down on to his eyelids caused unbearable pain. In fact, his entire body seemed to be on fire. His chest felt tight and his limbs felt heavy. An unpleasant ache stampeded its way across his entire frame. It was agony.

It took him far too long to realize that this was the first time he had felt _anything_ in what felt like a lifetime. That he could finally feel his body. That maybe this was the moment he had finally been sent back to the real world, after too long spent away from it. His eyelids felt too heavy. He thought a crowbar would be needed to pry them open, and that he certainly had no hope of uncovering his eyes any time soon. It was simply an enormous task.

But then he felt it. A beautifully familiar feeling he had rarely experienced, but was suddenly unwilling to ever be rid of. Her touch. The unmatchable sensation of her hand in his. All of a sudden any pain he felt was numbed. He wouldn't let it interfere with his heartfelt urge to feel her. To finally be reunited, after far too long, with the woman whose company he could never get enough of.

Bright lights dominated his vision as he finally managed to crack open his eyes. His sight had clearly returned, but his entire face throbbed with the pain of it. After an immeasurably painful amount of time, the universe began to come into focus. He recognized the bright white light of what he assumed was the ceiling. It was all a blur, but he knew he was looking upwards. He decided to try moving his stiff neck. He was relieved to discover it worked. He even managed to shift his narrowly opened eyes downwards- far enough to take in the sight of his partner's hand holding his tightly. Her head was next to his hip as it rested on top of his mattress. Her face was hidden in a mess of curls as she leant forward in a slump from her chair, snoring lightly in what appeared to be a peaceful slumber.

Tony wasn't sure if this was real or just another hopeful dream, so he chanced lifting his free arm and running his hand through Ziva's curls. He tried his best not to wake her, but was still skeptical as to whether or not his mind was playing tricks on him. Was this actually happening? Was he really awake? Or was this some sort of cruel practical joke being made by God? He decided that he didn't care. Real or otherwise, he would simply enjoy Ziva's presence.

He chanced a look around the rest of the room and found himself staring into the unmistakable blue eyes of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He was stood in the corner, apparently unsurprised to see his senior field agent awake and alert. DiNozzo suddenly felt as though he'd been caught being unprofessional on the job.

''On it, boss.'' His voice was raspy and small as it squeezed through an impossibly dry throat.

''On what, DiNozzo?'' His boss asked with a hint of confusion on his face.

Tony wasn't actually sure what he was talking about. ''I don't know.'' He replied honestly. ''I have no idea what's happening.''

All he knew at that second was the fact he could probably drink a whole reservoir's worth of water. Seemingly his commander and chief knew, as always, exactly what he needed and picked up a plastic cup of the heavenly liquid before offering it to the bed-ridden agent. Tony simply nodded in thanks, trying his best to ignore the pain any movement still seemed to cause. He accepted the gift and gulped down the drink in seconds, finding the feeling of it running down his throat ridiculously soothing.

''Welcome back, DiNozzo.'' Gibbs greeted with his own version of a happy smile. ''About time you woke up. You had us worried.''

Tony jumped to the eventual conclusion that this must have been real after all. There's no way his boss would be in the same room as him and Ziva if it was just a pleasant dream. And there was no way he'd feel quite this awful, either.

''Sorry, boss.'' He replied without thinking. He thought that he needed to apologize but still found himself being confused as to why. ''Am I sorry?'' His question forced a quick narrowing of the eyes from said boss. ''Should I be sorry?''

Gibbs leant over his senior field agent and rested his hand on his un-injured shoulder. ''DiNozzo, do you remember anything?'' The silver haired ex-marine asked softly, a hint of concern lacing his usually stern voice.

Tony considered that for a few moments before answering in a serious tone. ''I remember I screwed up.'' He said honestly, the pain caused from speaking still causing him to wince. ''Otherwise I wouldn't be here. Right?''

Gibbs expression softened upon hearing his companion's self-flagellation. ''You didn't screw up.'' He assured the wounded man, with certainty in his tone. ''You saved Ziva's life. Last time I checked, not letting your partner die was the definition of _not_ screwing up.'' The steely gaze, that their leader had always assaulted them with, never left room for debate. Nothing had changed for DiNozzo in that respect.

''I saved her life?'' He asked in slight disbelief as his eyes once again met the woman they were discussing. He remembered Ziva looking decidedly scared and worried as she looked down into his fading eyes but not much else.

''You took two bullets for her.'' The bossman informed him. ''Gave everyone quite a scare.''

Patchy memories of a shootout outside a warehouse pushed their way to the forefront of Tony's mind. Yes, he recalled that Ziva was targeted by someone. He also vaguely remembered pushing her behind his body to shield her from the oncoming bullets. However, he still felt like a hung-over college student trying to remember the previous drunken night. And much like his Ohio State University days, he found his memory clarifying itself the more he thought about the events preceding his awakening.

''This isn't the first time I've woken up.'' He recollected suddenly. ''Is it, boss?''

Images of a doctor and two nurses restraining him as they tried to calm him down sprung to his mind without explanation. He remembered it as if it was a nightmare, but knew it had actually happened from the look on his boss' face.

''No.'' Gibbs confirmed in his usual straight-to-point manor. ''You woke up a few hours ago. Started screaming and throwing punches. Nearly gave Ziva a heart attack.''

Screaming? That would perhaps explain why it felt like he'd recently swallowed broken glass. He knew sometimes coma patients reacted badly to being suddenly awake, but still felt embarrassed about his apparent violence. His feeling of shame turned to blind panic, however, as he suddenly considered his partner's close proximity.

''Oh god! I didn't punch her, did I?'' His head shot up as he looked back to his boss with wide, worried eyes.

Gibbs seemed to be amused at Tony's sudden revelation. The corner of his mouth lifted before he reassured the younger agent. ''Pretty sure she woulda put you straight back in a coma if you did, DiNozzo.''

Upon contemplation, Tony guessed his leader was probably right. The idea of him being responsible for causing Ziva any form of pain still made him shudder though. But he figured the fact that he'd almost booked himself an early seat at the table of heaven must have caused her a lot of it, just not physically.

He looked back down at her then and realized he'd started unconsciously stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. His insides melted. Had she been sat here beside him all this time? The soothing sound of her welcome voice was something that greeted him regularly while he was off in his own little world. This trail of thoughts brought another question to the tip of his tongue.

''How long was I out?'' He asked, not once looking up from the mess of hair that was Ziva's sleeping form.

''Nearly five days.'' Gibbs answered with a hint of irritation. Tony guessed that the mild annoyance was due to the team being one short for the best part of week.

Or maybe it was two short.

''Has she been here the whole time?'' He lifted his eyes back to his boss, knowing full well that the answer could potentially make him cry. He was feeling dangerously emotional. Gibbs held his gaze with a sudden intensity. Tony knew the answer to his question, even before the other man nodded.

''Yeah.'' He confirmed vocally, and DiNozzo detected a hint of frustration in his boss' tone. ''She refused to leave. Barely ate. Barely even moved.'' Gibbs explained after a heavy sigh. ''This is only the second time I've seen her sleeping.''

Tony's heart ached at hearing that. Although, the more he thought about it, the more he came to realize he wasn't that shocked by news. He knew Ziva better than anyone. He knew she could discipline herself to do almost _anything_ if she thought it was required of her. He could easily imagine the Israeli refusing herself the luxury of sleep just so she could guard her partner's vulnerable form. He could also imagine her berating herself for slipping into slumber for any long length of time. It would mean she couldn't visibly and audibly confirm that said partner was still breathing. He was never more grateful for the woman in all his life. He wondered why he received such protective care from her all the time, but decided he already knew the reason.

''Wow. She really _must_ love me.''

He hadn't realized he was thinking out loud until it was too late. Even if it was true, he knew Ziva would be pissed off with him for telling Gibbs. The twelfth rule on their boss' strict list left no room for partners falling in love. When he chanced a frightened glance at the list's creator and keeper, he was expecting the wrath of a titan. He was happily surprised then, when Gibbs had tilted his head whilst making a face in a way that implied his senior field agent had actually made a valid point. No signs of anger or shock could be read anywhere on his face.

''She finally tell you that?'' The bossman inquired calmly.

Tony knew she had. He remembered an entire heartfelt confession about how much Ziva was thankful for his back-watching role in her life. That he was more than just her partner, more than just her _friend._ She told him she loved him for it. He wasn't sure when this one way conversation happened, but knew it must've been sometime between his awakening and when he got shot. If he wasn't mortally wounded he sure as hell would've given her a response.

''Yeah.'' Tony nodded with a sure voice. ''I'm not sure when.'' He conceded. ''But it happened. I know it happened.''

He found himself looking back down at his partner then, not even trying to hide the affection he felt for her in that moment. He was so in love with this woman. So ready to let their relationship evolve. If that was what she wanted to happen, of course. He decided he wasn't going to drift back into sleep again until she woke up. He wanted nothing more than to hear her voice and get lost in her deep brown eyes. He'd missed his partner so much in the eternity he had spent away from her.

''Guessing you have a few things to say to her now as well.'' Gibbs half asked, half announced his hypothesis on the matter.

Oh yeah, he had a lot to say to Ziva now. For years he'd had a lot to say to her, but could never bring himself to do it. He nodded to confirm Gibbs' suspicions in favor of replying with words. Just the anticipation of him pouring his heart to the woman he loved was enough to make words hard to come by. He would do it though. She must have found it difficult, but she still fought through the undoubted fear to let him know _her_ feelings. He could do the same for her. He'd could anything for her.

''Okay.'' His boss eventually said. Tony wasn't sure if he'd just been granted permission to openly be in love with Ziva, or if Gibbs was simply bored of the conversation. ''I've gotta go gather the troops. A lot of people wanna see you, DiNozzo.'' He was at the door by the end of the sentence, but turned back again before opening it.

''Never take each other for granted.''

His final advice barely had a chance to sink in, before he was gone. Tony found himself alone with his partner for the first time since waking up. He fought through the pain any movement still caused him to lift her hand up to his mouth and kiss it softly. He wanted her to wake up so much. But he wouldn't dare shake her from her slumber. Not when she seemed so peaceful.

He could be patient. After all, she _had_ waited nearly five days for him to open his eyes.

* * *

The smell of the hospital once again assaulted Ziva's nostrils as she groggily awoke from her unplanned sleep. Her eyes still felt raw from all the tears. She stayed still in her face-planted position on the side of Tony's bed as she recalled the events that led to her crying earlier. He woke up. He finally opened those hazel eyes and looked at her. Only instead of joy or fondness, his expression was that of pure fear and blind confusion. He had started screaming by the time she reached for him, and even threw a few punches in random directions. By the time Gibbs had dragged her out of the room, she was almost in hysteria. She hated seeing him like that. Hated not being able to help him. She had been assured of his mental soundness, and that her physical well being would remain intact, before being allowed to return to her (now sedated)partner's bedside.

She felt something brush back and forth against the back of her hand a few times, before starkly realizing it was a consistent and constant feeling ever since she woke up. She looked up and saw the source of the sensation. It was Tony's thumb- the one attached to the hand she'd barely let go of for the past five days and nights- and it was actually moving. An excited feeling spread through her veins. She turned her head slowly in the direction of his, as if any sudden movement would snap her out of this dreamworld she was in.

Her heat stopped. There he was. The color had returned to his face, but its state of peace was now replaced by signs of pain. That didn't stop him from smiling warmly, or prevent his eyes from twinkling in that wonderfully familiar way.

''Rise and shine.'' He greeted with an uncharacteristically weak voice.

Her breath had been well and truly stolen from her. She couldn't say anything yet, so instead reached out and gently caressed the side of his unshaven cheek. This was real. He had finally come back to her. Her eyes glassed over with joyful tears as she smiled fully for the first time in far too long.

''You are awake.'' Was all she could squeeze out. Her voice was now thick with all the emotions she could feel running through her heart. He nodded at her in confirmation as his eyes became a little shiny too. Her whole body ached with love for the man lying before her in that moment.

''I'm awake.'' He assured her. But then he suddenly seemed to reconsider that. ''Unless I'm dreaming. But if I was dreaming, you wouldn't have your clothes on…and we'd both be in bed. So I guess this is real.'' He concluded.

She found herself snorting before breaking into a small fit of chuckles. He was back all right. This was her Tony. He would never let a near death experience get in the way of brightening up his partner's day with his inappropriate humor.

''So all I have to do is strip naked and you will lose touch with reality?'' She teased. ''I may have to use that tactic at some point.''

His responding chuckle was music to her ears. Oh how she missed it.

''I have no problem with you giving it a little trial right now, sweetcheeks.'' His voice became weaker as he got closer to the end of his witty response this time. He started coughing as the discomfort in his chest became clear by the pain Ziva could see in his eyes.

Her face melted into one of concern and sympathy before she leaned over to kiss his forehead lightly. She pulled away afterwards, but remained dangerously close to his face.

''Please don't ever do this to me again.'' She begged in a soft voice. ''Don't ever try and leave me again. What would I do without you?'' She asked rhetorically. ''How long would I survive without you there to watch out for me? I need you, Tony- and not just in gun fights.''

His expression became one of open affection at hearing that. He reached up and brushed a few stray curls behind her ear.

''Sometimes… I don't have a choice.'' He confessed in a thin voice. She must know he wouldn't hesitate to do it again, mustn't she? Perhaps he needed to remind her. ''I'm never gonna just stand there and watch while some low life scum-of-the-earth tries to hurt you, Ziva.'' His voice was as serious as she'd ever heard it. ''I need you too. Preferably alive.'' He added with a small smile and a wink.

She absorbed that information. The truth was that she had found acceptance and peace with the fact he'd always value her life more than his own. It was something she knew he had always done, right from day one of their partnership. He made this clear to her for the first time when they went undercover as married assassins all those years ago. They had found themselves in a pretty dire situation whilst in the hands of an _actual_ hitman. During which Tony was seemingly willing to sacrifice himself to ensure her escape. From that moment onwards, she'd grown to expect his selfless actions whenever they found themselves in a tight spot. However, she couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt she felt at always dragging him into harm's way in the first place.

''I am so sorry, Tony.'' Her apology seemed to surprise him, so she explained herself. ''I am always getting you into trouble. I always need you there to get me out of it. And…'' She trailed off as she choked back tears. ''And my incompetence nearly got you killed.'' Not for the first time, either.

As one rebellious tear ran down her cheek, his face melted back into a canvas of sheer adoration. ''Ziva…that's what you do when you love someone.'' He informed her thickly. ''You do anything to save them. You know I'd take a hundred bullets if it stopped you taking one.''

She did know. That's one of many reasons why she had fallen head-over-heels for this man. But his previous sentence was what caught her off guard. Had he just implied that he loved her? That's what it sounded like, but she was terrified of misreading his message. But, really, was there any chance of that? Deep down she knew he loved her. He never said it, but had definitely proved it with his actions over the years. She just hoped he felt even half as much love for her as she did for him.

''I remember.'' Tony then told her intimately with a small nod of his head.

Remembered what? The confession of her love for him? It had only been five days since she did it. She should hope that, if he'd actually heard her, he would remember something that important. But then she realized he was talking about something else.

''I remember.'' He repeated with a distant look in his eyes. ''It was that bastard that snuck up on us from the alleyway.'' He elaborated in an angry tone.

So _that's_ what he was recollecting.

''He musta snuck round to flank us. The nerve of that guy! Please tell me you got him, Ziva.''

She smiled at her partner's antics. Although perhaps it was more in relief. She wasn't sure what she'd say if he brought up the whole 'I love you' thing.

''I got him.'' She confirmed with a nod. ''He's lying in the morgue with a 9mm bullet in his head.''

He seemed genuinely relieved to hear the news. He closed his eyes and his face visibly relaxed. ''That's my ninja.'' He said with a sigh.

''Well that's what you do when you love someone, yes? You kill anyone who shoots at them.''

She hadn't really put any thought or consideration into her words. Even if she didn't want to bring up the L-word in conversation before, she didn't have a choice now. She kind of just did it, after all. He didn't question the slight widening of her eyes after she released that statement, however. He simply chuckled warmly at her cold attitude towards her confirmed kill.

''Well I guess _you_ do, yeah.'' He agreed with a grin. ''Some people just arrest them.''

She smiled back down at him, knowing full well that he was just teasing and not insulting her skills as a federal agent. She suddenly found herself feeling strangely courageous and decided that maybe they should just be a bit more direct with their declarations of love for each other. She was still going to approach the topic with caution though.

''Tony…'' She started in a nervous but curious tone. ''When you were… not entirely with us, could you hear anything being said to you?''

Her heart rate spiked as he considered her question. She found it hard enough announcing her love for him when he was unconscious, and therefore wasn't sure she could repeat the words again now he was actively responsive. His expression turned, once again, to knowingly affectionate. She thought his reaction spoke volumes. Was that a yes?

''You spoke to me?'' He asked softly.

 _Maybe that's a no then._ Ziva got the impression he found the idea of her chatting to his unconscious form totally adorable, but his query suggested he had no memory of this happening.

''Yes.'' She replied with a hint of embarrassment. ''I told you that I…needed you to wake up right after I was first able to see you.''

It wasn't a lie as such but it wasn't the whole truth

''Oh Yeah.'' He seemed to suddenly recall. ''You did.''

His confirmation sent a tingle down her spine as her stomach did a little flip. She did not expect that. Was he just playing with her before? Or did he really just find the memory in his head out of nowhere?

''So _that_ was when you told me.'' He added, seemingly it was something he'd been wondering about. ''I knew I couldn't respond…but I didn't know why. That makes sense now.''

Her heart was beating dangerously fast by this stage. ''So...Do you remember everything I told you ?'' She asked with a nervous swallow before elaborating. ''Not just the pleas for you to wake up.''

He held her gaze and, she couldn't be sure, but she thought there was a hint of nervousness in eyes as well. ''Yeah. I remember, Ziva. It was the only thing that kept me fighting.''

Her eyes glassed over again with impending tears. _Good_ tears. God, she seemed to be crying every five minutes that week. At least she was no longer doing it through worry and despair. The emotional river she was wading down was an uncharted one. It was unknown to her how often it might meander, or what dangers lay ahead, but she _did_ know that if she was making the journey with this man it would be worth it. She loved him so much.

''I heard you say all of it.'' He explained with a sad darkness in his eyes. ''But I didn't know when it was happening or if it was even real.'' He looked back into her brown orbs with tears in his eyes. ''All I wanted was a chance to respond. To talk back. I would've given anything to have been able to do that. To show you what your words meant to me.'' He confessed in a whisper.

Ziva ran her hand through his hair and down the side of his head as she unconsciously closed distance between them a tiny bit more. Damn her tears! They were trying to choke her again, but she still managed to squeeze out her next few words.

''What would you have said?'' She also whispered her question as the urge to kiss him became all-consuming.

Luckily for her, his mind was in a similar place. He completely eradicated the small distance left between them. Their lips met for the first ever time- the first ever _real_ time- as they both poured themselves into the kiss. It felt like a pact. Like they were each promising so much in that simple action. They were dedicating themselves fully to each other; heart, body and soul. Ziva's head was spinning when he eventually ended it, pulling away gently as her face remained cupped between his hands.

''Something along those lines.'' Tony replied vocally with nothing but awe in his piercing gaze.

She had forgotten what he was talking about. She was still feeling completely love-drunk after their kiss. Her whole body felt as light as feathers. The only movement her brain and her body could coordinate together was a simple one. But it was all she wanted. She leaned down to kiss him adoringly again and he happily obliged. This somehow helped to ground Ziva and find her voice again.

''Technically…that is not _saying_ anything, Tony.'' Her tease was softened by the delighted smile his wordless response had brought to her face.

His grin somehow grew larger at that. ''No. It's not.'' He agreed thickly. ''But I think it tells you everything I wanted to say.''

Yes, it did. She was more than happy with the answer he'd given her. Her loved filled admissions to him on that horrible day turned out to be just as pivotal as she thought they would. Only he wasn't snatched away from her. In fact, it was quite the opposite in the end. Tony told her it kept him fighting. The fact that he returned her feelings was an added bonus. The foundations were now laid for them to seek happiness together.

''I shoulda known our first kiss we be in a hospital room.'' Tony announced in typical fashion. ''Kinda sums up our partnership.''

Ziva chuckled. ''You have kissed me before, Tony.'' She pointed out, trying to jog his memory of their hotel room play-acting the best part of a decade ago.

''I kissed _Sophie Rainier_ before.'' He corrected before furrowing his brows. ''Although, come to think of it, she did look a lot like you.'' Her responding laughter at his joke was enough for his charming smile to make its comeback. But only briefly.

''I wasn't completely in love with that woman like I am with you.'' He added with a much more serious voice.

He used his eyes to silently signal just how sincere he was being. He guessed she received this, because her chin quivered slightly as her face melted into an expression that strongly suggested she more than welcomed his news. She buried her face into his neck as they embraced each other tightly. This was another vow-sealing gesture on both their parts. Neither seemed to remember why they were still in a hospital, though. Not until Tony let out an involuntary groan of pain.

''Sorry.'' Ziva sat back up with a look of concern etching her features. ''You must be hurting badly.''

He shrugged it off, though she could still see the agony in his eyes. ''It's fine.'' He lied. ''Besides, you're always worth the pain.''

Another bone melting declaration. God, she was _so_ glad she never lost him.

''But…'' He added in a weak voice. ''Let's hold back on the hugging for a while, ok?''

''Agreed.'' She confirmed with a soft smile.

''Do you think Gibbs'll be mad? About…us?'' He asked with a worried wince.

She thought about her little chat with Gibbs in the gardens before they knew whether or not Tony would pull through. He had basically ordered her to take a chance and tell her partner exactly what he meant to her. There was no warning regarding what path she should or shouldn't take after she did.

''I think he might be a bit worried about what we'll do to each other.'' She voiced her opinion with a small smirk. ''But he certainly understands our connection. He knows that we need each other.''

Tony nodded as if he'd never considered that. The smirk that lit up his face warned her of oncoming teasing though. ''I'm actually _excited_ about what you're gonna do to me, Miss David.''

Ziva chuckled before smiling indulgently. ''I do have some pretty fun things in mind, Agent DiNozzo.'' She shot back with a wink.

And just like that, the transition from best friends and co-workers to something more special had begun. It took another life threatening tragedy, and the potential of great loss, for them to finally find each other. Deeply buried feelings had finally been unearthed, and with them came a new beacon of hope shining onwards to their future.

* * *

Ziva finally left her position at the kitchen counter after hearing Tony call out her name from what she assumed was the en-suite bathroom. She walked over the collection of clothes piling up on his bedroom floor (a lot of which were actually hers) and arrived at her destination. Leaning against the doorframe she waited expectantly as her partner turned around holding a can of shaving foam. She simply raised an eyebrow in question, failing to hide her amused smirk.

''Are you sure I should get rid of it?'' He asked for the thousandth time.

They were both aware that he was talking about the month old beard he'd neatly grown since his time in hospital. ''I think I look kind of…ruggedly handsome, you know?'' He stated as he ran a hand over his furry cheek. ''Menacing but loveable. Like Daniel Craig in Skyfall before that hot lady helps him shave.''

She smiled fondly at him. ''You were the one that decided it was time to get rid of it, not me.'' She reminded him. She didn't really mind whether he was clean shaven or not. But they both guessed that Gibbs would prefer his senior field agent to return to work looking tidy.

''I don't know, Ziva.'' His trepidation continued. ''I kinda feel like…I've started a new chapter of my life recently, and this beard could be the symbol of that. New year, new me, you know?''

She did actually understand, but was far less sentimental about his facial hair than he seemed to be. To her it was just a beard.

''I do not need a _new you_ , Tony. I love whatever man you want to be.'' She said softly. ''Unless you grow your hair out and become a hippy- then we are through.'' She added sternly as she held up a no-nonsense finger.

He chuckled at his lover's (apparently sincere) warning before turning back to the mirror and sighing. ''You know what? It can wait.'' He decided finally as he returned the can of foam to the shelf above the mirror. ''Don't wanna be late for Dr Evil anyway.''

Ziva's lips pulled up into a slight smile at Tony's familiar nick-name for his physical therapist. His daily appointments had been chipped down to twice a week by this time, but he still didn't enjoy his sessions with the hairless man he'd been assigned to. She suspected it was something to do with the fact that he still hadn't signed the agent off for field work after 4 weeks. Which Ziva was thankful for in truth, because that assured her the doctor was being as thorough as possible with her beloved partner.

''He thinks you are doing well.'' She explained, before approaching him and running a soothing hand up and down his arm supportively. ''You are getting there, Tony, you just need to be patient.''

''Yeah, well I think I'm gonna have to literally lift a tree trunk above my head before he's convinced I'm strong enough to work again.'' He voiced his exaggerated opinion with a hint of bitterness.

Ziva smiled at the image that painted in her head. ''He just wants to make sure you are fully recovered before he sends you off to start gun fights again.'' She assured him, for probably the twentieth time. ''When he is satisfied with your physical capabilities, you'll back in the field in no time.''

Tony smiled teasingly and she started preparing herself for a witty remark. And sure enough, it came. '' _You_ seemed pretty satisfied with my 'physical capabilities' last night, sweetcheeks.'' He reminded her with a wink.

Her smile turned to something sultrier as she fondly remembered last night's events. Oh yes, he certainly seemed capable of using his recovered strength in bed the previous evening.

''Very.'' She affirmed with a wink of her own. ''But I am not the one who's permission you need to return to the field.'' She reminded him with a more serious expression.

His smile dropped as he took that in. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth as he turned back and looked at the battle scars over his bare torso. The reminder of his dance with death seemed to be enough for him to loosen the grip he had on his impatience, and he nodded slowly in agreement.

''Yeah, I know.'' He accepted. ''I just gotta stick with it, I guess.''

''Yes.'' She nodded before running her hand up his neck and into his soft and freshly washed hair. He was smiling again by the time she had risen up to kiss him softly. She pulled back and found herself wanting to remind him of how much support he really had.

''And _I_ will stick with you all the way, Tony.'' She whispered intimately as her heart pounded with the thrill that her vocal dedications to him still caused.

His face melted at her romantic declaration. He ran a hand through her wild curls whilst holding her dreamy gaze.

''I love you so much.'' He told her warmly.

The feeling of her bones melting told Ziva all she needed to know about how much she welcomed the announcement. Even if she already knew he loved her, it still made her tingle in the best way whenever he reminded her about it.

''I know.'' She returned thickly.

They both new this was her way of actually returning the statement. The look she gave him confirmed that fact if he ever doubted it. He leant down and kissed her adoringly with both his hands being used to hold her face exactly where he wanted it- right in front of his. Always.

She patted his chest once they parted after unanimously deciding to end their moment of loving indulgence. ''Go and get dressed.'' She instructed as well as flicking her head in the direction of the door behind her. ''I will make breakfast. Your coffee is on the table.''

He sighed again. ''I suppose we better get moving.'' He conceded. ''Otherwise the hairless wonder might think up some sort of diabolical scheme to punish me for my lack of time-keeping skills.'' He added with a familiar bitterness.

Ziva chuckled at his typical sense of humor. ''I'm sure we could foil any terrible plan he makes.'' She joked with a wink, before kissing his hairy cheek and turning to leave the room.

Tony simply smiled affectionately after her disappearing figure. Her choice of words pleased him. Recently 'we' had a whole new level of meaning for them. Together, she and Tony could overcome anything. You just had to look back at the reason why they had decided to start this new journey with each other. They were almost separated on a permanent basis. Not for the first time, the threat of losing one another had strengthened their partnership. This reinforcement of their relationship had paved the way for the actual evolution of it. Was it worth taking three bullets to finally find this happiness?

Tony certainly thought it was.

* * *

 **The characters deserved a happy ending. I hope this one wasn't too cheesy for you guys. Thanks so much for the support and feedback, it's been amazing. You may be seeing a few more of my Tiva-related ideas pop up as stories here and there.**


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